Monday, January 12, 2009

Better in Time - Moving on is Hard to do

As I wrote in my first blog, I am recently single. However what was recent then isn't so recent now. It's been about 2 months and things are not any clearer, or easier between me and my past boyfriend. I have made the decision I should have made long ago to put it all behind me and move on. I am going to let go of all hope of him and I working things out, and focus on moving on and look towards new beginnings. It's not easy, definitly not easy for me. I think that's obvious. We broke up two months ago and I am still holding on. I'm hoping writing this will give me the push I need to shut the door on that relationship.

I have read many articles online about the stages of a break up, stages of moving on, stages of heart break, but there doesn't seem to be much consistency.
Most had the common first stage of realization. If that's the case I'm in trouble because I am clearly still in denial. Well, I was until last week at least. I think I have experienced my stages all backwards and mixed-up. I have already gone through anger, guilt, yearning, depression, loneliness, but I am still in denial. How can that be? Clearly there are no clear-cut stages for anyone dealing with heart break and loss.

It feels like I am possibly hitting the acceptance stage finally - and hopefully now I will be able to move on. Luckily, I have some great things in life to keep my mind off things. I have the love of a great dog and a few amazing horses who are always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on. Nothing beats a hairy warm giant shoulder when you need a good cry, or a big neck to hang off of when you need a hug. My horses are my reason for being - without them I would be lost in life entirely.
I've been following some other blogs about how people are using their love of horses to help them acheive goals. One woman in particular's is Flying Changes Weight Loss Blog . She's trying to lose 100 pounds to get back into riding. Ok, maybe my goal isn't nearly as impressive, but I'm following her lead and using my horses as therapy to move on from this relationship.

I've been trying hard to get out and meet some new people. I haven't met that many since moving to the city. I worked 7 days a week last winter/spring and really didn't have a chance all summer to get out and being in a relationship pretty much meant all my time was spent in that, working or riding. My good friend just moved to the city and is my new roomie, so I finally have someone to go out with and do normal 25 yr old girlie things! Yay! It's already improving, we have already met some cool people in the city and my social calendar is busier than expected. Going to be very busy balancing work, weekend work, riding, walking the dog, studying for my course I'm home studying, and adding some fun in there somewhere!

I'd have to say I'm looking forward to my upcoming trip to Cuba the most. My roomie and I went 2 years ago and we are heading back to the same resort for the Carnival festival. Cuba is my all time favorite place, and if I could stay there forever I would. I will post more about Cuba another time, it is somewhere I am very passionate about. This picture on the right pretty much sums up Cuba. What's NOT to love? I went to Cuba the last time I had a really hard time moving on, and honestly I think it completely saved me. Spending my days in the sun, riding on the beach, and dancing all night in the humid moon lit paradise made it impossible to think about things that drag you down. I feel this trip will help close that wound once and for all.

So, for my self - and my horses, I promise to do as follows to help me move on and embrace the future.

I promise not to e-mail, text, or call the past. I promise to leave all texts to me unanswered. I promise to go out and meet new people - friends or more it's not important, it's the friendships that matter. I promise to dedicate a little time to me everyday...I won't have much but some is better than none. I promise to de-rail all thoughts of the past onto the plans of the future. I promise to buy a sweet pair of new shoes. I promise to continue to donate to local animal rescues whenever possible. I promise to study hard and continue to educate myself. I promise to have fun, smile and laugh. Finally, I promise to beleive that some day I will find a Pongo for my Perdita. I believe in true love and it finding you, I'm not focusing on finding love, but I have faith that some day, it will find me.
Dedicated to AF - "Better in Time" Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you

I didn't know where to turn to

See somehow I can't forget you

After all that we've been through Going coming thought

I heard a knock Who's there no one

Thinking that I deserve it

Now I realize that I really didn't know

If you didn't notice you mean everything

Quickly I'm learning to love again

All I know is I'm gonna be OK

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV

Without something there to remind me

Was it all that easy

To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh

Hurt my feelings but that's the path I believe in

And I know that time will heal it

If you didn't notice boy you meant everything Quickly I'm learning to love again

All I know is I'm gonna be OK

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time And even though

I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me

It's time I let you go So I can be free

And live my life how it should be

No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you

Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time*

4 comments:

  1. cough bullshit cough

    ReplyDelete
  2. and there we have my exbf polluting my blog. F off BUD

    ReplyDelete
  3. well dont post your lies on it then, makes you look stupid :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. The only person who looks stupid is you since you are clearly reading my blog, and commenting on it, yet are too much of a puss to use a name even though we all know who you are.

    ReplyDelete

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