Thursday, October 28, 2010

Pssssst Did You Hear?? Say What!

You know the name of the game - gossip. There is a reason for high school - and it's not education. High school is a 4 year hiatus for developing social skills at a time when you are too old to play with clay and blocks - but too stupid to learn the real things you learn at University or college. One of the greatest skills I would hope one achieves at high school is how to tolerate, and evaluate, gossip.

I'm not going to lie, I love my fair share of gossip here and there. I like to think it's harmless gossip between myself and trusted friends. "Oh my god, did you like, see what Psycho Sally put as her Facebook status?" "I know, she is like, totally, attention seeker" (complete with valley girl accent and gum smacking). I however, did learn over my time on earth so far that gossip can spread like wildfire, hurt people, and come back to give you a swift kick in the ass. You can never be sure just what you are saying to who. You can never be sure who to trust with your opinions and judgements, so sometimes it's just better to keep your opinion to yourself.

It reminds me of my first day of OAC (grade 13) Geometry. I was ahead 2 years in math so I didn't really know any of the people in my classes, most of them were super smart super nerds and didn't attend the parties I found myself at most weekends. I took my seat beside this one guy Jim. Jim thought the greatest way to break the ice and become my friend would be to tell me a joke. Normally, under regular circumstances I might think this was the perfect tactic. Unfortunately for Jim, he didn't use his social skills diary and check the rules before he blurted out his joke. *Warning* This joke may offend some readers* I can't remember the lead up to the joke, but Jim blurts out; "why did God invent AIDS?"......"to kill all the gay people!", followed by "ahahah". I just sat there and stared at him. I get it, he was *joking*. He doesn't really think that, or hate gay people, he just thought it was a funny (albeit tasteless) joke. What Jim didn't know was that I had an uncle who was gay, and tragically, died of AIDS (what are the chances right?). I proceeded to share this information with Jim. I will never forget the look on his face. That was the moment Jim learned that you should know and evaluate your audience.

For the record, Jim and I did become great friends after that first meeting, but I always think of that before I open my mouth when a controversial subject is brought up. I am sort of going off topic here but I think it's a good example of how people just blab without thinking. The whole point of this post was to rant about the gossiping that has been happening about my new marriage.

I was talking to my soon to be ex brother in law the other night and he had mentioned how a lot of people have been coming up to him at the gym and asking him if I really got married. I live in a small town which I left years ago, and now that I am back I try to hide my presence to anyone but my friends - because we all know small towns are notorious for gossip and nosey neighbour behaviour! Anyways, I guess he is getting all sorts of questions from; who my husband is, where we met, how long we have been the expected comments of; it will never last, like she will stay married long, and even "there's no way that guy will ever like horses!" For real, someone actually said that. Ummm You don't know anything about my man, yet you know there's no way he will like horses and I will leave him because of that? Good grief. I'm 27 not 7. I have dated enough to know what it feels like to have found the right man.

Now let's not forget the most popular comment/question; "Are you/is she pregnant?". Umm hello?!?! Do you even know me at ALL?!?! I would NEVER get married just because I was pregnant. All of my friends know that. That is not a reason to get married in my eyes, and when people ask that it just shows who they are to me and I wonder why they even bother caring. I find it extremely insulting and wonder where these peoples social skills are. I have even had people say that they didn't even know I had a boyfriend. Well, I have news for you, it wasn't a secret. If you didn't know, then we aren't the close friends you think we are. Why are you surprised you didn't know? Because I didn't flaunt it in everyones faces for the last few months?

The thing that I just don't get about these why not just ask me? Most of them I have on Facebook or they are friends of friends and could easily shoot me a message. Why must you ask my brother in law. Is it because you don't want me to know you have some sort of unexplainable interest in my life? Is it because you want to not worry about me hearing your judgemental comments? Is it because you secretly want my world to fall apart and don't want to have to be fake to me? my only question.

There is , however, something great that happens when you act of out the ordinary or expected. You learn who people really are. People who I have not spoken to in some time, or people I do not know that well have given me well wishes, encouragement, and support in our marriage. Then there are the people who I have been friends with for years who have not offered any well wishes, and just claimed they are shocked, and happy if "you're happy". One of my friends I have known forEVER just said - "why?". I didn't even justify that with an answer. It is as if people can not accept anything that does not fit into their cookie cutter idea of how a relationship comes together.

I have news for these people; I am happy. I am also happy to answer any questions you nosies may have (people who know me, not my readers although happy to answer yours too). And one last thing....he DOES like horses. So there.

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