Sunday, August 4, 2013

Sometimes It's Hard

  When you buy a farm there are certain things that you come to terms with and accept long before you sign the agreement papers.  Holidays are rare and expensive, days off are non-existent, sickness means nothing when stalls have to be cleaned, some parties have to be passed up upon, and there is ALWAYS work to be done.

  I know these things, and I accepted them happily when we bought our farm.  There was and still is nothing more than I want in life than to have my horses home, have a little hobby horse farm, and turn it into my little slice of heaven.  This is pretty common with horse owners who want to do it themselves, and people who take pride in caring for their little piece of land.

  The wrench is my chain is that I am a Military Wife.  A MilSo if you will.  Becoming a military wife comes with it's own come to Jesus moment; where you realize that at any time and place, you can be upped and moved, left alone, or widowed in the blink of an eye.  When you marry a soldier you accept that any of these things and any other thing might come along and you have to do your best to roll with the punches.  I knew this going into things, and have found being a MilSo relatively easy so far in first 2+ years of marriage.  Having a passion like riding and a farm to look  after has obviously helped.  It keeps me busy, my mind occupied.

  For whatever reason however, this weekend is different.  It is the Civic Holiday weekend here in Canada, a long weekend.  Who doesn't love a long weekend?  I know I sure do.  This weekend has been hard though.  It's been almost a month since Jesse left and keeping things rolling at the farm has begun to take its toll.  The first week Jesse left my pool pump blew, my tractor died, and I got a flat tire.    I've gotten those things sorted and everything has been running relatively smoothly since then.

  The weird thing about this long weekend is that I feel really alone.  I'm tired, I've been doing all the yard work, barn work, house work, riding, exercising the dogs, and running the errands for the farm.   I usually have at least my parents nearby to visit with but they are on holiday, and all my friends seem to be partying or bbqing it up, and, since I am alone, I can't go anywhere with no one to look after the animals.  I guess I feel sort of trapped here in my lonely state.

  This is the reality of being a farm owner and MilSo.  I'm not mad or upset, I knew these days would come and thankfully this blog is here for me to let my feelings out.  I just want to show people that it's not always fun, not always easy owning a farm or being married into the military.  Sometimes, it's hard.


  1. Hugs to you! While its tough on those of us that leave, I often think its much more difficult for the ones we leave behind.

  2. For me the long weekend is a time to charge up for when I have to go back to work--the clock is ticking down. I envy you in some ways, but not in others. It is good that you made a conscious choice as most people really don't.

  3. Sending you Simcoe Day Hugs from your four-legged friends in Hamilton!

  4. That sounds really hard. At least you have beautiful horses and flowers (and blog readers!) to help you through it :)

  5. Maybe you could have a bbq with friends at your place? Hang in there. :/

  6. Even though I just stumbled on your blog, I had to write you. I don't have a farm, but I do have an often absent spouse. He's military medical school. He's gone, a lot. Sometimes it's to study in other cities for a few months, sometimes it's to BOLC, sometimes it's ... never ending. Every time he leaves, it feels like everything in the house breaks, and that can get so overwhelming. Like you, I'm so thankful to have a horse and a hobby to keep me busy and my mind occupied.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is keep looking up. Those moments of loneliness are so hard, and I've been there (just the other day, in fact).

    I hope this wasn't out of place, and I'd always be up for commiserating!

  7. I know what the farm part is like but also with being a MilSo it must be hard. Sending hugs your way.


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